Hi friend,

Today I wanted to share a bit about body image and my story. 

I have grown in this area so much in my own life. But, it can be so hard to know how to grow and change when all feels heavy and forever.

BUT I am walking proof it doesn't have to be.

When I was young, I would compare myself to the others in the class- I was taller and bigger- even though it wasn't a ton, I FELT much bigger- didn't feel pretty- and would act out from an insecure place because of it.

I picked up on these thoughts as they are all over society-

:)

As I entered high school, I enjoyed sports. Though these thoughts didn't hold me down- they were a part of my everyday life- fast forward to college, and in my freshmen year, I took note that I had missed my period for a year- this was odd- so I went into some of the on-campus docs who ensured that it was probably due to the transition of school and stress. 

I joined a weights class and learned to love the gym and navigate it with confidence. Then my new habits of exercise started- all new info, and I was stoked. Yes, the stress of transition was weighing on my mind from time to time, but a new habit of daily exercise and watching what I ate to fuel my body started--- I don't want to share all of this as a trigger- but what happened was I slowly started counting every calorie- working out for a specific time every day- and comparing myself to the others gals who were working out.

These good intentions moved into an idol- or mental obsession- I didn't even catch the disordered eating and workout obsession fueled by body image that wasn't life-giving this was taking away from my presence of mind, joy, and overall well being, I still had a rad community and great family, but I had let this obsession slip in and because it is accepted by society I let it live there for a few years- until a mentor pointed it out. I then knew I wanted to get free, but I wasn't sure how.

One day I was talking with a friend, and something urgent welled up inside of me, and I asked her if she would pray with me- we did, and I asked God for help in overcoming this- I asked for freedom from the obsession and thanked him for helping me grow.

After we prayed and the conscious decisions to move away from this was made I was free from both the obsessive eating and body image focus in 4 months. It took time and some radical shifts in the way I let my thoughts roll. 

I started to notice when I became critical of myself or anxious- and shifted to thank God for a strong and healthy body. 

For a time, I stopped going to a gym, and  instead, I walked outside and did mellow movements. I ate a diet higher in fats to try to help my cycle start again. Lot's of tiny steps led up to me being free, many daily decisions that kept me pointed towards food and body freedom. AND if a thought or action  did not align with my new way of living, I practiced letting it go.

Something awesome that happened during this freeing summer was that I ate my first burrito with my boyfriend (who is now my husband- I know…my first burrito as an adult! But those extra calories had always kept me away..) Anyways, Nate was a definite asset to this freedom journey. 

He reinforced by living out a joy, peace, and freedom that a relationship with God can only do. The way he lived and lives, encouraged me that I too could have more joy- still eat burritos- and take care of my body in a way to steward it well :). 

I had realized that my restrictions came from a fear and need to be perfect but in reality, this stemmed from a lack of relationship with God and a real reception of his thoughts towards me and his love. 

Receiving the love of God was something I was brought up knowing in a book knowledge way, but it had not sunk into my being yet. Like GOD really truly loved me, Sarah. Just as I was. No more, no less, no perfect size or look could add to Gods perceptive of me because his Love is unconditional and I soon learned he didn't design me to live a life where I was picking at myself mentally or physically. 

I then had cancer as well a year later and lost my hair. Going through my time with cancer was a new hit to the body image and overall self-confidence- BUT it was another arena for me to grow in. I had to. My day-to-day joy depended on me strengthening my mind in the truths of Christ and my relationship with him to further deepen my dependence on HIS truths about himself and me, which brought me REAL joy and strength. 

So sister, if you resonate with anything I shared above I hope you have gained some real encouragement in knowing that you are not alone and yes you can also walk in freedom. 

Much love to you! 

Also, as always, feel FREE to forward this message of hope to a friend! 

Journal Prompt / /

What are Your insights on how YOU overcome the day to day hustle of negative thoughts that come to de-rail your peace? Share below :)